Free star sign chat room & Free no registration no email adult videos man with woman only sex: I Walk a Lonely Road

domwithpen: sheiswanton: i would highly recommend people talk...

sheiswanton:

i would highly recommend people talk openly with their partner(s) about sex. not just the general likes/dislikes that come to mind, but also the tiniest of details. even those who have been together for many years, & feel they know their partner(s) well, really must do this.

mr. wanton & i have been together a billion years, so i fell into that last category. because of our long time together, & having had a wonderful sex life, i assumed that i knew what turned him on. in a broad sense, i did; but it wasn't enough. the same went for him, by the way. i am a talker, so he assumed i'd told him all he needed to know.

a few months back i found the courage to put aside a lifetime of the usual sex-related baggage & fears, & went to him with my thoughts (i'll share that story & its mind-blowing results another day.). it was not easy, & our talks went on in spurts over a few weeks, with both of us finding more & more courage to open up.

which brings me back to the details. i knew, from our earlier years (read: before children), that he enjoyed light bondage. what i hadn't known was that he had always wondered what i would look like with a collar on my neck. he had assumed that because i have zero pain tolerance (you do not want to see me getting a tattoo), that he should always be gentle with my body. the list goes on & on, but you get the drift.

the easiest way to start the conversation is tumblr. sit your partner(s) down & show him/her/them what you like. you don't need to say anything at first, just scroll. as you find the courage, point out specific things that turn you on. you needn't say "oh baby, that is hot", if that's not who you are. a simple "i like the way that looks." is perfect. ask your partner(s) to show you what he/she/they like as well, & before you know it, you'll be talking.

an incredibly important thing: resist making comments, sounds of judgement, or faces. nothing will shut down this process faster than your partner(s) feeling judged or mocked in even the smallest way. & he/she/they will.

an example of what happens when you keep your negative thoughts to yourself: when mr. wanton confided his collar desire to me, i spent weeks researching pretty satin collars. no way was i going to wear an ugly leather one, it wasn't my style, & i am not a dog; those were my thoughts. i nearly said as much, assuming he would agree with me, but refrained. & i am ever so glad i did, because, as it turns out, he is turned on by simple leather collars, not the girlie ones i had been researching. as this was his thing, not mine, i found one that was similar to the one he showed me, & hesitantly gave it to him. the first time he put it on my neck, his eyes darkened, his breathing changed, & in a low voice he said that i was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. i don't think i need to tell you that the sex that night was fucking amazing - though i will claim bragger's rights - fucking. amazing. sex.

you will never know what lies buried in the back of your lover(s)'s mind until you stop assuming, & start digging. talk openly, honestly, & with no judging, & you just might end up with a deeper relationship, & a fucking amazing sex life.

~w.

I love this post. Honestly, how can you people ask ME for advice when there is eloquent stuff like this out there?